Back to Working at Home Postpartum... Partly

Baby #2 sleeping on my lap

Two months postpartum and I finally feel as though I can slowly nudge my way back into the working world. In some ways, I never stopped working. In other ways, I still have a few months before I can progress back to the projects I want to do.

Colleagues and followers were surprised when I was tweeting industry news just hours after my baby was born in January. But honestly, I was a little bored laying in bed resting, not able to sleep, with a phone in my hand. It doesn't take much to scroll through social media and type up short commentary. Social media is by far the easiest way for me to stay involved in my business. But it's not a money-maker and it's not very productive.

I surprised myself by giving several interviews with reporters over the past couple of months. The industry doesn't stop just because I am on maternity leave, and I've done a decent job of marketing myself as a subject matter expert. Reporter interviews are usually short and don't require much preparation, so they were fairly easy to accomplish. I would hold my baby, usually nursing him, and inform the reporter ahead of time that I was on maternity leave. Not a single person complained about the occasional baby noise. In fact, some people loved talking about their kids upon hearing mine.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've slowly allowed myself to continue with individual clients, first existing clients, then responding to potential new ones. This usually requires at least half an hour of quiet and the ability to type on my laptop with at least one hand while on the phone. So far I've had good success nursing my baby to sleep during these calls and making use of the mute button on my phone.

These are more challenging conversations that require focus. I would like to get to the point where I can leave my baby alone for short periods of time while on a call, but I still have few months ahead of me before then. It doesn't help that my toddler has become more advanced in getting into things she shouldn't and making messes, and therefore leaving her alone during these calls is risky as well.

Several projects on my to-do list require me to be able to type with both hands on my laptop. I rarely have free time with both hands available, so I am still unable to accomplish these tasks. (Even this blog post is being written mostly by voice dictation on my phone.) If I can do something quickly in 5 or 10 minutes, I can take advantage of a baby nap or ask my husband to hold him. But most of my projects are extensive and require a longer focused time commitment. I still have some months to go before I can call myself completely back from maternity leave.

Growing Toddler, Growing Business, Growing Family

Just two years ago, I was building my company’s website, ordering business cards, 7 months pregnant, wondering if I could pull off being a work-at-home mom of a newborn and a new entrepreneur. I searched websites and blogs for advice, personal experiences, anything to give me encouragement that it could be done.

My previous job was shutting down, the company bankrupt, and I was preparing to close out the office. I felt the financial pinch of not having had a consistent paycheck for months. We worried my husband wouldn't be able to support our growing family on one income while I built up my business. And I was anxious about being a first-time mother.

Two years seems like a lifetime ago. Life has evolved significantly. We survived the financial hardship of a company going bankrupt and not making payroll. We moved for my husband’s career – 4 times in 6 months! That destroyed any savings we had and left us still recovering from the debt. My husband prefers the financial safety cushion of two incomes and savings, so being the primary income earner has been stressful for him.

But no longer is he the sole provider. I gained my first paying client a couple of months after starting my business, then another, then another. Right now I have four actively paying clients and three former clients who want to work with me again. I’m not making the big bucks yet, not even close. I’m making about as much as I made in graduate school, minus employer-sponsored health insurance. But it’s not nothing.

More importantly, I’m happy. I have such freedom running my own business, working from home, setting my own schedule, choosing my clients and duties. I've never had this high level of job satisfaction ever. I enjoy what I do day-to-day and I adore my career. When I ask myself, “What do I want to be doing in 10 years?” my answer is, “The same thing I’m doing now, only more of it for more money and maybe more travel.” Life is good. God is good to us. Stressed finances haven’t kept us down.

Even more surprising to me is how much I’m able to accomplish while watching a monkey of a toddler full-time. I work from home daily. My husband goes to the office four days and works from home one day per week. Between the two of us, we almost never pay for childcare. We've never hired a babysitter or helper and I've only used drop-off daycare four times, reserved for when I have a business meeting and can’t bring her with me. Most of the time, my husband is able to stay home or come home early when I need to work outside the home.

For example, last week I helped organize and run a conference which started Wednesday early evening and continued all day and evening Thursday. My husband went to work early on Wednesday so he could come home early to care for our toddler while I went off to be my professional entrepreneurial self. He cared for her all day Thursday until late in the evening when I finally got home. I didn't have to worry about parenting responsibilities while out working because my husband does what he can to support my career.

And vice-versa, I do what I can do support my husband’s career and take care of parenting our kid full-time so he doesn't have to worry about it when he’s at work. Last night he had a dream that I got the job he’s currently applying for. His first thought was to be happy for me, but his second thought was, “Who’s going to care for our kid?” I was raised by two parents who worked outside the home. Being in daycare full-time at a young age didn't hurt me, so I know that’s an option for our kids if we needed it. But truth is, I love being home with my toddler and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Caring for a toddler isn't easy. My almost two-year-old has been walking for over a year and loves nothing more than climbing and figuring out how things work. She’s always been an independent player. I have the freedom to work while she plays independently nearby. I can even leave her alone for brief periods of time while I make business calls. These days I get so much work done during the day while she does her own thing, only pausing occasionally to change a diaper, get her food or a drink, or to take a “play” break to enjoy her company.

But as my toddler gets more capable of getting into things, trusting she’ll be fine as I work becomes riskier. I might leave the room or become engrossed in work, only to return or look up to see to a soiled diaper on the floor and poop smeared everywhere. Or she might have climbed into something she can’t get out of. Or she might pushed a stool against the counter to climb up onto an area with unsafe or breakable objects. Or she might push a stool against the aquarium stand to get to the fish and play with the water. In case you haven’t guessed, these aren't hypotheticals – she has actually done all these things recently.

I’m 6 months pregnant, looking ahead to being a work-at-home mom with an energetic toddler and a newborn. I know I’ll need to cut back on my working hours due to time constraints, physical limitations (e.g. holding a baby constantly), and exhaustion. I know I’ll need to significantly limit my business calls because an unpredictable baby that can cry at any moment isn't the most professional background noise. I know I won’t be able to travel for a few months. Even local business events will be difficult to attend.

I know it will be challenging to learn how to be a work-at-home mom with a new family dynamic. But I have no doubt I can do it. I proved myself already. I can be a work-at-home mom of two and small business owner. I can do it because I love it and wouldn't want it any other way.

When a WAHM Needs Daycare: Leaving My Toddler

Somehow, Josephine made it to 15 months with two working parents (one full time, one part time) without experiencing daycare. While so many women agonize over needing to put their children in the care of strangers so young, I've been fortunate to be able to stay home with her while I build my own business. At the beginning of my WAHM experience, I was convinced I'd need to hire an occasional sitter or daycare so I'd be able to get some uninterrupted work done. But as I recently wrote, being a WAHM has gotten surprisingly easier with time.

Fifteen months have gone by. I'm thankful my husband's job is flexible as well. He works best from the office, but he's allowed a day or two of remote working per week. When I really need to get out of the house for a business meeting or event, he takes over as a work-at-home dad or just takes the day off. Our work flexibility is a luxury that has allowed us to avoid daycare for this long.

Early on, baby Josephine was much more portable. Carrying her around in my wrap was easy and unobstrusive. But the transition to toddlerhood has brought mobility and energy that can't be contained. A few weeks ago, I made the mistake of bringing her to a business breakfast, a casual 30 minute conversation at a diner. It did not go well. She fussed, threw food, and insisted on being out of the highchair. When I let her loose, she tried to wander the floor. Confined to the booth, she took items out of my purse and threw them on the floor. I lost my wallet for 24 hours when she dropped it under the table. That distraction was not helpful in business conversations.

When a potential new client visited town and wanted to meet over breakfast on Monday, I knew I couldn't take Josephine with me. To be taken seriously in my profession, I need to be focused and undistracted by a noisy, squirmy, curious ball of energy on legs. But my husband had to be in the office that day. I needed another option.

Part-time daycare is very difficult to find in the United States. Most daycare facilities want full-time commitments and full-time pay for five days per week, every week. Because we're new to the area and haven't used a sitter yet, we didn't know of anyone who could come over to watch her that morning. Plus finding a babysitter for 8:30 AM sounded like a challenge.

By asking around, I found a solution: drop-off supervised play facilities. Some churches offered this service, but not at convenient hours. After quite a bit of searching, I found a stand-alone drop-off play facility with convenient hours. It's a half hour drive, but worth it.

I convinced my colleague to meet for breakfast on Monday across the street from the drop-off daycare, just in case something went wrong. I was the first parent at their door when they opened. Registration was easy. Josephine went right for the toys on the shelves, not even noticing me slipping out the door.

An hour and a half later, I returned to the sounds of my child crying. My heart fell. I had been so proud of taking this step of letting her go and encouraging her to become independent of me. But she missed me. The lady at the front desk said Josephine didn't even realize I was gone for the first 40 minutes (ha!), but cried on and off after that. Separating is hard to do.

My heart was heavy as I drove home, expecting to return again on Wednesday to separate from my child for even longer – 4 hours! My husband had to be in the office that day. I had a lunch meeting followed by a related business meeting in the city, an hour drive away. I expected to be gone for half the day and I absolutely could not bring a toddler with me. If my little girl missed me that badly when I was gone for 90 minutes, how would she handle 240 minutes without me?

As it turned out, my poor husband was sick on Wednesday and stayed home. I felt a little guilty leaving him to care for Josephine when he really needed to rest, but if I can do it, so can he. (I've had multiple colds this winter, and there are no sick days in motherhood.) I attended my meetings in the city without having to face the inevitable hours-long daycare drop-off. For now.

My future schedule is clear of in-person business commitments. I have no need to utilize daycare services for the foreseeable future. But I never know when a meeting or event will pop up that I just can't miss. I was a daycare baby, so I know kids in daycare are raised just fine. I know this in the abstract. But it's different when it's your kid. It's so much harder.

When Breastfeeding Goes Right as a WAHM

I entered motherhood with expectations. Society gives us a long list of what to expect when caring for a baby, and since I had no experience, I read all of it and took it to heart. But just as with pregnancy, I let go of those expectations when they failed to become my reality. Not all women get crazy food cravings and wild mood swings. And not all women have difficulty breastfeeding.

Some women, perhaps the majority of women, do have breastfeeding complications. Many of my friends tried to the point of exhaustion and had to switch to formula for the health of their child and their own sanity. Breastfeeding support groups are promoted everywhere. The hospital where I gave birth had a lactation nurse on call at all times. I'm not discounting the difficulties a lot of mothers have with breastfeeding. But that wasn't my reality. Perhaps you can relate.

I don't recall seeing women breastfeed as a child. It wasn't what I was exposed to. Babies drank from bottles. The two were as linked in my mind just as much as babies and diapers are. It's a puzzle to me why my childhood lacked exposure to human mothers feeding babies the way all mammals do. But as an adult, I knew breastfeeding was an option that I wanted to try first. Even so, I bought bottles and formula just in case.

“You have perfect textbook nipples,” the nurse commented during one of my early prenatal appointments. I was startled and didn't know how to respond. Was that a compliment? It certainly wasn't sexy; any comment including the word “textbook” could never be sexy. I think I stammered out a “thank you” and changed the topic. Little did I know that textbook nipples would be a gift that began my breastfeeding journey with ease.

Friends with babies passed down nipples shields and cooling pads, just in case I needed them. I looked up various nipple creams and wondered if I should put them on my baby registry. In the end, I decided it was a bit much to ask friends and family to buy such intimate items. Good thing I waited.

I don't even remember when my newborn daughter first latched. I gave birth drug-free, but I was so out of it, I felt as though I was drugged. I don't have a clear memory of labor until around 15 minutes after birth. Somewhere in that blurry time, a nurse put my tiny crying baby on my chest and she fed. That was it. It was so hassle-free, I don't even remember it happening.

Those nipple shields and cooling pads went unused. Nipple cream was unneeded. I never cracked nor bled. I never engorged. I never had any complications at all. There were times when her suckling felt uncomfortable to tears, and in those moments I felt a small connection to those who struggled, but it was always so temporary. I have been very fortunate.

From the very start, I never let breastfeeding keep me from going out in public. I invented a wrap style (or perhaps it already existed and I simply figured it out) that completely hid my baby behind cloth when she fed. Outsiders couldn't tell if my baby was feeding or asleep. More than one person thought it was an arm sling, not even realizing a baby was attached to my bare breast underneath. Buying a wrap was one of my best purchases during my nesting “what will I really need for this baby” phase.

With my wrap, I took my newborn out to our local sports bar when she was just 3 days old. I nursed her at church. I took her to social outings and work events. I dragged her along to conferences, listened to talks, and conversed with colleagues with her feeding and sleeping on my boob. I was both mother and professional, progressing my career and growing my child at the same time. To this day, I can hardly believe how well it worked out!

As my baby grew, my ability to feed her discretely in the wrap declined. I've since transitioned to using a simple blanket over the shoulder when I need to breastfeed her in public, which is rare. At nearly a year old, she delights in the diversity of solid food and only nurses for comfort and sleep now. It won't be long until she is weened. I am thankful that my breastfeeding experience with my firstborn has been complication-free. Motherhood has enough challenges!

Now, getting her to sleep, on the other hand, is my daily thorn...

Trapped! When Being a WAHM is Overwhelming

Not everyone is so fortunate to find a career they love. Long before I ever met my husband, I fell in love with and began studying and working in my industry. I knew that I would never give it up, even after having kids.

When my baby was born in December, I was surprised at how much I loved being home with her. My previous position ended right before she was born, so I took a natural pause in my career. But not for long! By the end of January, I formed my own consulting company and set out to find clients.

In July, I took on my main client. It's not strictly a full-time job, nor is it hourly. I'm an independent contractor paid a flat fee per month for services. The whole company is made up of independent contractors based in home offices around the world. Many of them are also parents who work while caring for their children. It seemed to be a perfect fit!

I was surprised and honored to be assigned leader on my first project immediately. As most projects go, it started out slow as I climbed the learning curve of a new job and a new project. Hours aren't clocked and my boss is in a time zone six hours ahead of me, so I did my work in my spare time.

It just so happened that I was starting a new job during a tumultuous time in my life. Coincidentally, my husband also got a new job that required us to move. In a very short period of time, we had to prepare our house for sale, move our belongings and pets, live in a hotel, sell our house, and buy a new house, and move in. Those life events became a full-time job, necessitating my contracted job be pushed aside to do whenever I could.

Finally, we moved into our new home. Everything was in boxes. We weren't settled at all. But I had a deadline. My job wanted me to complete my report draft within a week of moving into our new home! Of course, it wasn't their fault I was moving. They set the date months prior. But circumstances arose to make my life completely chaotic right near a deadline.

I was too busy to keep track of how many hours I worked. I barely unpacked the essentials to live in my new home. At times, I was too busy to even shower for the day. I worked days, evenings, nights, weekends, and the Labor Day holiday. I wished I had childcare but was too busy to really look into it. When I finally took the time to reach out to a neighborhood in-home childcare, she was booked. At that time, being a work-at-home mom really wasn't working for me.

I relied heavily on my baby learning independent play in the baby-safe playroom while I worked during the days. In the evenings, I relied on my husband to watch her for hours at a time in the evenings and weekends. I worked late into the night when both were asleep. The work wasn't good enough for my boss so the deadline kept getting pushed back as they demanded more and more content from me. For 3 weeks I worked myself into exhaustion. I felt like a poor employee, a poor mother, and a poor wife.

Finally, it was over. I breathed a sigh of relief, took half a day off, and tried to pick up the pieces. I was so behind on everything (and still so very behind on email) that it was hard to know where to begin. But at least I could enjoy life again. At least I could pay attention to my child again. At least I could try to settle into a better WAHM lifestyle.

Unfortunately, the chaos is only on pause. My husband's career is moving us again. On Friday and Saturday, I'll drive 9 hours with the baby to meet with my husband who is driving down today. We'll stay in a temporary apartment until we find a new home. Two more moves and another house hunt. I'm not looking forward to being uprooted again.

As if that wasn't enough, I was assigned a new project to lead at work. They gave me two days to catch my breath, and then popped my work-life balance bubble. I've since convinced them to change the deadline from December to January, but the work won't be any less.

I'm slowly admitting to myself that this isn't the WAHM-friendly job I was lead to believe. Twice this week I've been frustrated to tears with poor management and unrealistic expectations. But with my husband's career unsettled at the moment and some big debts to pay off, I'll stick with this contract as long as I can for the income it provides. I need to set better boundaries and not allow work to take over my life as it did. 

Meanwhile, I've resolved to continue my side business with whatever time I can squeeze. Being my own boss, doing work I love, pursuing my dream – that's what I envisioned when I decided to become an independent consultant. I have so many big ideas and dreams. I need to make the time to make them happen, or they never will. If I can make enough in my "side" business to be my own boss, it would be ideal.

In the future, I resolve to:

• Work more consistently, even when tasks seem lax.
• Take "baby breaks" when I get stressed from work to keep perspective.
• Hire part-time childcare when work gets tough.
• Keep my working hours to half-time (4 hours per day) unless near a deadline.
• Work at night when the baby is asleep, but not too late.
• Ask for help when I need it.

With these guidelines, hopefully I won't repeat the same stressful mistakes. Here's to balancing my WAHM life!

The Full-Time Question

In my introductory post, I explained how I came to be an accidental work-at-home mom, part time. I haven’t worked full-time since my baby was born. And if I’m honest, I haven’t worked full-time in maybe a year because there’s not much going on in a company going out of business.

Going from working part-time at home pre-baby to working part-time at home post-baby was easy. I learned how to free my hands enough use my computer while she nursed or slept on me. I became decent at one-handed typing. I started work-at-home momming gradually when she was just a few days old. I was full-swing into when I attended a local workshop when she was five weeks old. We've been rocking it ever since.

Sleeping baby position #1 as I wrote this blog entry.

For me, being a part-time work-from-home mom has been easy (so far). I work projects of interest on my laptop from my living room or back porch while the baby sleeps, nurses, or plays. I’m interrupted constantly and therefore it takes longer to accomplish tasks, but breaks aren’t a bad thing.

I pick and choose which projects I want to get involved with. Some tasks have deadlines and are prioritized. Others are “whenever I feel like it,” such as my professional blog, my book writing, and my reports.

But one thing I am not is an 8-hour-per-day working mom. I couldn’t tell you how much of my day is spent on business. I multi-task and switch things up constantly: email, news, social media, projects, breastfeed, play with baby, change diapers, clean house, prepare food, take care of errands, take care of myself, go to business-related events, and whatever else falls into my lap.

Sleeping baby position #2 as I wrote this blog entry.

Work-life integration is the new buzzphrase and I have it down solid! I am one seamless work-life integrator. But I don’t work 40 hours per week, probably not even half that. I don’t work much right now. But I have excellent work-life satisfaction!

I’m a little nervous that I’m a finalist for a full-time work-from-home position. In a surprising twist, I’m more nervous about getting the job than I am about not getting it! Being rejected means status quo, my life remains the same. I can continue to leisurely work-from-home part-time on whatever projects I choose.

Taking the job means juggling everything around and needing to find solid working hours during the day with many more deadlines and phone meetings. It’s always an unknown whether the baby will remain quiet while I’m on the phone. Probably not.

Position #3 while writing this blog entry - playing! She's not always quiet.

My little girl is a few days shy of 6 months old. Since she refuses to take a bottle, she has been attached to me day and night, attending work-related events with me, even attending an out-of-state conference with me. The thought of putting her in (very expensive) daycare sounds undesirable and potentially unfeasible until she’s older. But the option exists if there’s no better alternative.

Even with full-time work, I think I’d still be able to watch her at home most of the time. I’m considering an occasional nanny or daytime babysitter, someone who could watch her for a couple hours per day or a few hours per week, depending on my needs. Or, maybe I’ll surprise myself and actually be able to work a full-time job from home while watching the baby full-time. Maybe. Am I crazy?

This potential job seems to cater to work-at-home parents. The CEO of the small company has three little ones at home and told me during our initial call (in November!) that the company leans toward work-life balance. Another man I interviewed with who has been with the company for 13 years, has four kids, and praised his ability to be a work-at-home dad. Although not everyone in the company is a parent, it does sound like families come first. If I take this job, I really think I could make it work with a home office and still watch my little girl grow up. (And I do want to add more babies to our family sooner than later, God willing!)

Even more uncertainty is added to this hypothetical life when I consider my husband’s situation. He’s being flown out to cities around the country to be interviewed for a potential big career advancement. His job interview in another state on Monday sounds particularly promising. We could be moving across the country in a month or two.

Moving locations won’t matter to my potential work-from-home employer, but it would mean less in-person business events and meetings for me. Where we live now is a hub for my industry. Where we’d potentially be moving to, my industry isn’t there. Everything I’d do would be online or would require business travel.

I am the kind of person who defines myself by my career: a scientist in the space industry. No, I take that back. I was defined by my love of my industry long before it became a career, as far back as 3rd grade when I wrote a short story about being an astronaut. My passion for what I do “for a living” goes beyond whether I’m paid for it, and some of my current projects are in fact volunteer or pro bono. I love, live, breath science/astro/space. Becoming a mom hasn’t changed that.

Even without this potential full-time position, I’d still continue building my consulting business, part-time. Even with this potential full-time position, I still want to build my consulting business part-time. I know, I sound crazy.

I’ll stick another tick-mark in the crazy box by admitting I might want to homeschool my kid(s) someday.

Too much speculation, too many hypotheticals, too much unknown. For now, I vent my thoughts on the Internet. Decisions will be made later.

Working mom and silly-faced baby at an industry event last month.

What I Learned Taking a Baby to a Professional Conference (Part 2)

I took 5-month-old Josephine to an informal professional networking event last night and reminded myself that I still had yet to write about our adventures at an out-of-state conference together. Rest and catch-up are top priorities after returning from travel. Now I can reflect on the positive and negative of bringing a baby to a professional conference.

Working and playing, as well as we can together.

Community Support

I had a lot of fears about being a working mother after I gave birth to my daughter and it became clear that she was too young to be away from me for long. I worried that I would be seen as less than professional if I brought her with me. I expected negative or inappropriate comments. I would not have been surprised if people had asked me to leave when they saw me with a baby. Babies don't belong in work environments, right?

My fears were the furthest from the truth. Every time I brought my baby, I was welcomed with open arms. Colleagues and new acquaintances loved meeting her and watching her grow. Young women and older men thanked me for bringing her. Only once was I asked not to attend a meeting with her, a rare exception to the warm welcome she's received. She's an instant star no matter where I go. The one downside is that on occasion, colleagues are more interested in talking about her than about business!

Bringing her to one day of the local conference was a test. Taking her on a plane to Colorado, without my husband, for a 3-day conference was the real deal! How would she behave? How would others react? Would I be able to attend the conference talks at all?

I was overwhelmed with the generosity, encouragement, and support from the conference staff and attendees! From the moment we arrived, others offered to hold her, play with her, give her toys (conference swag), and take care of her. Conference staff made her a special name badge. She attracted conference attendees like a magnet. One man thanked me for bringing her because her sounds during the talks lessened the seriousness of the atmosphere and reminded him of home and humanity.

Baby Genius - All Star!

The Noise

There's no way around it: babies make noise and there's no quieting them. I knew that I would be in and out of talks. I just hoped that I would be in more than out.

I lucked out with a relatively mellow baby. She doesn't cry all that much, but she does have her moments. She wasn't feeling well on Friday afternoon, so I hid in the bathroom for a long time, hoping the thick doors would dampen her screams. But worse, I didn't have my phone or laptop because I couldn't return to the conference ball room with a screaming baby to retrieve them, my feet were hurting me in brand new dress pumps, and there were no restroom chairs, so I sat barefoot on the floor not even knowing the time while she screamed and screamed. Eventually she did calm down and we reemerged. Aside from that outburst, screaming fits were rare.

More common were little baby grunts from learning to crawl and play and “songs” from learning to use her voice. When those got too loud and persistent, I needed to leave the room. Sometimes I would walk with her along the back wall by the door, leaving when she was loud and returning when she had quieted. In and out, in and out. While this certainly is not an ideal way to hear talks, I was able to pick up bits and pieces of conversation this way.

Most of the time, she was quiet enough for me to be in the room. Especially when she napped in my lap! During those periods, I could focus on the speakers and pretend I was attending a conference as usual. Except that I was in the back of the room sitting on the floor next to toys, usually.

Conference swag makes for good toys.

Baby Wearing

I wore my baby in her wrap less often than I expected to. There were times when it made sense, such as during a tour of a nearby company's facilities where we'd be walking a lot. I opted not to bring a stroller to the airport, instead wearing her around the terminal. However, during the conference talks, mostly we were sitting down. I tried sitting with her in my lap, but she got bored quickly. Instead, I laid a baby blanket on the ground and let her play with toys independent of me as much as possible. Outside of talks, she would be passed from person to person so much that it didn't make sense to attach her to me. I'm glad I brought the wrap and I did use it frequently, but she wasn't attached to me at all times.

Baby hanging out on the tour.

Hotel Sleeping

I have difficulty sleeping in a strange place. So, it seems, does my baby. We didn't have our normal routine and sleep aids such as her swing, so sleep didn't come as naturally to her. It was a struggle each night to get her to stay asleep. Usually I succeeded an hour or two after her usual bedtime.

I opted not to bring her crib, instead allowing her to sleep in the king-size bed with me. At home, her crib is right next to our king-sized bed so she spend half the night in her bed and inevitably half the night in ours. Co-sleeping works well for us. I didn't even think twice about keeping her in the bed with me while on travel.

Sleeping on my lap.

Breastfeeding Business

No one batted an eye when I nursed my baby during the conference. No one stared. One lady offered to give me her seat if I'd be more comfortable. To clarify, I always use a blanket or wrap to cover us up when she feeds, but I'll continue to carry on conversations like normal.

Brave, Hero and Supermom

I was called all these things for bringing a baby to a conference. I am none of them. I am simply a working mom who loves my career and loves being with my child. I find it interesting that in our culture, we would see this behavior as something to be praised highly with descriptions such as brave, hero, and supermom. In my opinion, this only points to the need to combine maternity and career for new moms and make what I did common.

Thanks for bringing me along, mom!

Lessons Learned Attending a Professional Conference with a Baby (Part 1)

I've never seen a baby at a professional conference before. Prior to having my own baby, it never would have occurred to me that a mother would choose to take her child with her. Now that I have a baby of my own who refuses a bottle, my only choices are to participate in my profession with the baby or not participate at all. Yesterday, I chose to stand out from the crowd.

I didn't know how anyone would react to my presence with the baby. Worst case scenario, I thought I'd be denied entry or asked to leave. Second-worst case, I thought the baby would scream, causing me to miss most of the conference I paid for. I didn't know if anyone would stare at me or make a negative comment about how unprofessional or disruptive it was to bring a baby. I prepared to defend my choice, if necessary.

Fears are usually all in our head. Not only was I welcomed with the baby, I received so many compliments! By the end of the day, at least four people told me that they hadn't heard a peep from her and she was the most well behaved baby they had ever seen. It's not that she didn't make a peep, it's that I contained her well. She kept me on my toes!

I learned a new wrap style for the occasion: outward facing carry. I still wrap her in a sling style when nursing discretely, but my 5-month-old no longer wants to face my chest. She wants to see the world! The outward facing wrap is the most secure wrap style I've learned yet and was truly hands-free. It was perfect for times when I needed to walk around and mingle such as during the talk breaks and exhibit hall networking.

To my surprise, I did not spend all of my time standing and bouncing her along the wall. Instead, I found a back corner away from foot traffic and closest to the bathroom. There I laid out a small blanket and some toys, plugged in my laptop, and sat on the floor to listen and work. It was ideal! I may have looked silly to others, but this really was the best possible arrangement. The baby kept herself well occupied, I could work without holding her or constantly moving her active hands away from my laptop, and we were completely out of the eyesight of all conference attendees except those walking along the back of the room.

Playing with free conference swag!

In retrospect, it was a wise move on my part to wear pants instead of the cute pencil skirt I had wanted to wear. Sitting on the floor with legs in any direction would not have worked well in a skirt or dress. It was also smart of me to wear a cowl neckline for easy access.

Listening to the conference speakers uninterrupted only happened when the baby was napping. Unlike a normal day, she only dozed off for short periods of time – no long naps. Applause would wake her, usually just for a moment, but sometimes stirring was enough to snap her out of her slumber. As a result, at no time was I away from my baby and able to attend the conference as a normal professional except when two of the college-aged conference volunteers asked to hold her.

I was able to attend all of the conference talks (except when I stayed in the exhibit hall for too long during a break). Even though I was in and out a lot, I was able to get a lot out of attending. I live tweeted and I took notes. I got the gist out of the conversation. I was surprised at how much of the conference I could actually attend.

As someone put it yesterday, a baby and a dog in a crowd have similar outcome: people flock to you for the cuteness. A baby is an effective networking aid. Colleagues and strangers alike approached to meet the baby and, secondarily, me. She was a natural conversation starter. The one negative was that because time was short and the baby was easy to talk about, I didn't talk as much “shop” as I would have liked. Part of that was also the fault of the conference schedule: too few and too short breaks. I had hoped that the 6:00 networking session would make up for it, but by that point, the baby had had enough and it was time to go home.

Astronaut Baby!

It's always a concern when going out: a diaper blow-out (or poop explosion, if you prefer). We had one. We survived. I packed plenty of diapers and wipes as well as a spare change of clothes. Thankfully, none got on me. I cleaned her up and no one noticed.

Overall, taking my baby with me to a professional conference was a success. I tear up when I think of how supportive my work community is. So many positive comments and words of encouragement! I want to thank every one of you who helped me to get over my fear of negative judgment and do what works best for us. I feel so blessed to have such beautiful people in my life.

This local conference was practice. The test is next week's three-day out-of-state conference. Stay tuned!

Also, Josephine got to meet her fifth astronaut and take additional photos with ones she had already met. And she went to Mars!

Baby on Mars!

Motherhood & Career Sacrifices: No Tours for Me

(Taken while pregnant at NASA Kennedy Space Center's Vehicle Assembly Building.)

My nearly 5-month-old refuses to take a bottle. She used to, now she doesn't, preferring to scream and starve if given the option. And in fact she did go on a hunger strike for around 8 hours when I left her with my husband for a day, which is how we made this discovery. Therefore, I cannot be physically apart from my baby for more than 2 hours without feeling exceptionally bad for the adult caring for her (i.e., my husband).

I am given the choice to participate in my profession with my baby or opt out. I've been choosing to participate when I can. I'm just as competent, passionate, and ambitious in my career with my baby as I was before. However, there are limitations to what I can do at the moment. Some plans are on hold. Others are delayed or take more time. And some opportunities, as much as it pains me, must be sacrificed.

I have sacrificed two conferences/meetings this year and was ready to sacrifice a third before I jumped on-board with the planning committee to help out. I love this particular conference, and although I was prepared to miss it, I really didn't want to. So, I committed, with my baby. In 15 days, I'll be on a plane to Denver, traveling with my child and no other adult, determined to make this work during the three-day conference.

I won't be able to participate as widely as I usually do. I'm willing to sacrifice the opportunity to listen to every speaker or to hear every word coming from their mouths. I've already sacrificed the chance to present a poster because it would be too much to handle with the baby. I'm willing to sacrifice networking time if I need to change a diaper instead. I'm prepared to leave for the airport earlier and set aside more time to allow myself to eat. I know I'll sacrifice sleep; that goes without saying for the parent of a young one. And, unfortunately, I'll need to sacrifice special opportunities to see things I may not ever get the chance to see again.

I got excited when I saw the news: a chance to tour a local company's facilities! Cool! I'm a visual learner. I learn by seeing and by doing. I jump on the chance to take tours, to experience the atmosphere around the work being done, and to ask question after question of the tour leaders. I'm their favorite kind of visitor because I'm engaged, learning, snapping photos (when allowed), tweeting, and getting the word out. I soak it up.

But the baby. How could I take a tour with the baby? They probably wouldn't allow me to bring her because of safety standards or some other policy. What if I need to walk her away from the crowd to calm her down? What if she spits up over their equipment? What if I need to do an emergency diaper change? In a hotel banquet hall, I can take care of her. On a company's secured property, it would be a lot harder. Could I even safely take her on the tour bus without the car seat anchored to the vehicle?

Sadly, I decided to sit that one out. But then, a second tour! Another local company's facilities, this one I liked even more. And oh, how I wanted to go. I thought about it, thinking of how I could make it work. I even started composing an email asking if I could bring her. But the same issues arose again and again in my head. I just can't.

Usually, I'm all about asking forgiveness rather than permission. But in these cases, even I don't think I can justify asking permission. As a working mother, I make sacrifices for my child. This is one of them.

How do other women do it?

What I Learned Taking My Baby to a Professional Luncheon: Pre-Conference Prep

Since the beginning of my work-at-home journey four months ago, I've had an ongoing inner dialog:

“Is it unprofessional to bring my baby to a professional event?”
“Why would it be unprofessional?”
“But I've never seen anyone else take a baby to this event.”
“Just because it's uncommon in our society doesn't make it unprofessional.”
“Will colleagues think less of me?”
“It's their bias if they do. Why am I trying to impress them? Some love seeing the baby.”
“It would be easier not to bring her.”
“The alternative is to skip the event and hide from my professional community.”
“I want to go. I just don't want to stand out as being the weird working mom.”
“I've never been all that conventional anyway.”

Lately, the conversation has concluded with this definitive statement:

“In a few weeks I'll be taking the baby with me, alone, to an out-of-state conference for three whole days. I need to get over it.”

So, today I took my baby to a monthly professional luncheon with a guest speaker. Previously, I'd ask my husband to watch her, but he couldn't today. Rather than skip the event, I brought her with me. If people were going to judge me, let them.

Although I must admit, I felt nervous during the long walk from the parking lot to the door with my baby in arms, dressed in professional attire. My baby would stick out. I would stick out. There was no way to do this under the radar. I just needed to own my actions and stand tall.

The first person I saw as I opened the door was a friend of mine, a few years younger than I am, who loves seeing photos of my baby on social media. Seeing his warm face as he greeted my child made me feel at ease. One right after another, colleagues and strangers approached me to meet the baby and say hello. She was an instant conversation starter! I'm a good networker, but it helps to have people flock to you.

A colleague of mine who I see as a bit of a mentor said to me, “I used to bring my kid to these kinds of events.” And I felt even more at ease. When I was pregnant, another mentor of mine told me that he took two years off from his career to be a stay-at-home dad when his kids were young. These stories from people I admire in my profession help me to feel not so odd and alone.

So, how did the baby do during the luncheon and talk? She was a people observer at the start, staring at everyone and everything as I walked around greeting and conversing. The kind man sitting next to me plated my salad and poured my water. The baby started getting fussy as I attempted to eat said salad.

I took her to the bathroom to wrap her, and with my boob hanging out so she could nurse mid-wrap, a woman walked in and offered to help me if I needed it. Not sure what kind of help she could give me, but it was a sweet offer. It's notable that I'm at the point where I no longer care if a stranger sees most of my boob in the women's bathroom.

Blissfully sleeping during the luncheon. For a short time, anyway. - May 10, 2016

Once I had my baby wrapped and feeding, she was a lot easier to care for. But I still couldn't sit down long to eat without complaints. So I stood by the doorway and bounced. She nursed until blessed sleep came. Then I was able to eat my lunch in peace. She woke up during the talk, so I resumed bouncing her by the doorway and walking her along the wall. She was great until the very end when she started happily babbling. Even happy sounds are noise, so I took her out in the hallway for the last five minutes. She was happy and babbling away and I said goodbyes after the talk.

As usual at professional events, may people made appreciative comments about me bringing her and no one said anything negative about it. One colleague even texted me after to thank me for bringing her, saying it was the first time he had seen a baby at one of these events. My fear of being negatively judged, while probably real, is mostly in my head. I need to remember this as I'm carrying my baby around a conference in a few weeks!

And because we were in the area, we stopped by the port to see a reusable rocket stage that launch to space on Friday and then landed vertically on a ship in the ocean. I love my profession.

The recovered SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket state at Port Canaveral, Florida. - May 10, 2016

Friday Question: Considering Work Outside of the Home

Would I Ever Go Back To Work Outside of the Home?

Yes, if the right opportunity was presented to me. Last week a colleague asked me when I thought I might return to work full-time. Maybe soon, maybe never. This week a colleague presented me with an interesting opportunity to do something I love part-time, likely flexible hours, hopefully with the option to bring the baby to work with me at times. That's a job I'd consider! The flexible schedule and ability to bring my kid with me is of high importance to me at this stage of my life, even higher than salary.

Current Challenge

My 4-month-old has learned boredom! It's no longer enough to put her down somewhere. Now I have to give her toys or objects to play with, move her to new spots, and pick her up to provide her with human entertainment at times. I have to watch her most closely near the pets since she has learned how to pull out clumps of fur in her little fists. Uninterrupted work only occurs when she's napping.

Take My Kid to Work, and to Work-Related Play, Every Day

Today is Take Your Kid to Work Day in the United States, and unofficial day originally created to expose girls to the workforce. As a work-at-home mom, every day is Take My Kid to Work Day for me. And I do take Josephine everywhere – meetings, networking events, science fairs, even workshops and conferences. Even if I worked outside of the home, I'd still take her with me to work from time to time, no special day needed.

I was invited to a networking reception for my industry yesterday. It began at 5:00 and my husband wasn't even home from work yet, so I took my baby with me. I still don't know if or how many people may judge me for bringing a baby to a professional event, but at this stage of my life, I just don't care. My baby is well behaved and people love her. She's a natural conversation starter and ice breaker. To date, no one has said anything negative to me about bringing my baby along, but many people have been grateful I did. One other person did bring their kid with them, but she's college-aged!

Mommy and baby at the reception

Josephine met her fourth astronaut yesterday, the Director of NASA's Kennedy Space Center, Bob Cabana. (I work in the space industry, if you were wondering.) He immediately took her in his arms and cuddled with her, calling himself the baby whisperer. His eyes shone as he talked about his upcoming visit to see his grandchildren. It was so sweet.

Astronaut #4 on Josephine's list: the baby whisperer

Unfortunately, no one told me that there would be a very, very long stretch of talking and presentations in the middle of this party! My baby can be quiet, but not for that long. I eventually had to take her to the next room where we bonded with the catering staff. Josephine had a giggling fit that apparently could be heard in the next room – oops – but no one minded, I was told.

I didn't wrap her, but she did play with my wrap on the ground before it got crowded.

Josephine eventually fell asleep on my shoulder as I wrapped up networking and said my goodbyes. As someone who works from home, it's nice to get out and about to see my colleagues and meet new acquaintances. And so long as I can, I'll take my child with me.

What does Take Your Kid To Work Day look for me on a regular day at home? It takes all forms. But in order for me to finish writing the latter half of this, it looks like this.

Mid afternoon nap on my lap in my outdoor office. How long will it last?

May I Introduce You to My Associate, the Baby

What to do when a work-at-home mom needs to work outside of the home? Coordinate with my husband, find alternate child care, or bring the baby with me!

I had two phone calls on Thursday which are easy enough to handle when the baby is nursing, asleep, or distracted by play. But I also had a lunch meeting and a professional networking reception. I was out all day Friday to serve as a judge for a university science fair. For all the out-of-the-house business to attend to, the baby was my companion.

Meetings with children lovers such as my lunch meeting on Thursday are relaxing and anxiety-free. She even held the baby a little while I ate – eating with both hands! It’s freeing to feel that I can be both my professional and my maternal self without being judged. I like knowing that although the person I was meeting with may judge me differently after lunch with my baby, they won’t judge me negatively because of it.

Networking meetings are a little more risky. Some, even most people in attendance may be just fine with the presence of a child. Some may think it unprofessional and bad judgment. I just don’t know who and how many will think negatively. Do I care? Mostly, no. But I’ll never know if I’ve lost a business opportunity because I brought my baby.

Bring the baby as my science fair co-judge was a necessity, but it was also calculated. Students tend to be very anxious when being judged, but a judge holding a baby isn’t nearly as intimidating. One student loved the baby so much that she asked to hold her twice. Students, being young themselves, don’t seem to mind the presence of a child in their midst.

The difficulty being a first-time WAHM is not knowing where the line is between okay and not okay to bring my baby. I know that I haven’t crossed it yet, but I also know it exists somewhere. Perhaps I’ll someday cross it by accident, and then I’ll know.

Earlier this year, I left my baby with my husband when I attended a local two-day workshop. In retrospect, I could have taken her with me. A baby in the audience wouldn’t have been a big deal. I was asked to give a short, impromptu speech while there, and even then I could have held my baby while speaking or passed her to someone to temporarily hold.

Earlier this year, I attended an out-of-town legislative advocacy effort., leaving the baby with my husband for 36 hours. I don’t think it would have been feasible or appropriate to bring the baby with me as I rushed from legislator office to office with limited time to discuss my industry before the next meeting. A baby would have been a distraction that would have slowed us down and taken away from the business conversation.

I don’t know the best way to proceed sometimes, but the important thing is that I proceed. And now, another business phone call while my baby naps on my lap.

My co-judge at the science fair, half in the wrap.