Professional Appearances and Poopy Diapers

I’m thankful to have reached a point in my career when I’m sometimes asked by journalists and podcasters to give interviews. Occasionally they are in person, such as a studio interview I’m giving next week. But usually they are phone or video interviews from the comfort of my home.

I had a Skype interview with a reporter I know scheduled late this afternoon. With my 2-year-old toddler not always sleeping through the night and my 37-week-pregnant body interrupting my sleep, I've been feeling exhausted. I didn't know if a video interview was a good idea. But thankfully, my toddler slept through the night and we had a mother-daughter early afternoon nap, so I felt well rested and ready for the interview.

Twenty minutes before the interview, I refreshed my make-up. I had already done my face up after my nap, so freshening up only took a minute. I put on jewelry and a blazer. I looked every bit of a professional from the chest up. From the chest down, my baby bump bulged in my casual dress and red sparkles shone from my barefooted Christmas-themed painted toes.

I set up my laptop in my “home office”, a room I use more for storage than for work. I prefer to set up my laptop on the family room couch most of the time, but that doesn't look professional. So I set up a nice backdrop in the home office with work-related things on a desk behind me for video opportunities such as this one.

The moment I stepped into the room, I remembered the overhead light had recently burned out. No problem, I had time to replace the light bulb. I had just bought a new pack of bulbs and knew exactly where they were. But they weren't there! My husband must have moved them. But where did he move them to? I searched for a couple minutes, but time was too short. A strategically placed desk lamp would have to do as my only lighting for the video interview.

Five minutes to interview time, I peaked in on my toddler who was watching Sesame Street in the family room. Clearly through her pants I could see she needed a new diaper. I had just enough time. I grabbed a new diaper and started to change her right on the carpet. Until, to my horror, I realized my mistake: Poop! Diarrhea! I didn't have time for this, but I couldn't leave her like that, either.

I raced to the nursery to clean her up on the changing table. Poop gone, new diaper on, new pants on – done in record time! Not ideal, but I left the trash on the changing table to throw away after the interview. It wouldn't be long enough to smell up the room.

But what was that wetness I felt? Diarrhea – on my leg! So gross! I cleaned myself up with a wet wipe and raced back to the family room. Suspicion confirmed: there was diarrhea on the carpet where I had begun to change her. And I had leaned on it. I did a quick carpet clean-up with more wet wipes, vowing to do a better job later. With no time to wash my hands, I was glad I wasn't going to be shaking anyone’s hand over Skype.

Back to the home office and to my laptop, a minute late to the interview. The reporter was none the wiser. The lighting was good enough. The interview went well. No one watching the interview video will ever know that this working mom had a poopy diaper to deal with minutes before her professional appearance.

Financial Troubles of a Work-At-Home Mom

My husband and I are struggling right now financially. It seems each week brings with it a new financial crises complete with more debt and feelings of hopelessness that we’ll ever catch up with bills.

We’ve dealt with many challenges over the past 15 months. We’ve completed four expensive moves across the country. We bought and sold houses. We’ve had emergency car bills, emergency home repair bills, and emergency medical bills. We’re down to one car because my husband’s car needs extensive repairs we can’t afford. We just prepaid a lump sum of $4,500 for prenatal care and birth at the birth center outside of insurance to save money overall. Yesterday we got notice our mortgage payments are increasing a non-trivial amount each month. And we have a newborn on the way.

The work-at-home mom guilt is crushing me with each new big bill. Many who work-at-home or work remotely make full-time income or enough to live comfortably. I’m not there yet. The company I started isn’t even two years old yet. Although I bring in a little to contribute to the family finances, it doesn’t feel like enough. Not nearly enough!

After graduate school in a science field, I made very good money in my first full-time job. On paper, I made excellent money in my second full-time job. In reality, that company failed to make payroll repeatedly and then went bankrupt, so they owe me half a year’s salary that I’ll never see. But I know how much I’m worth if I were to put myself on the market. I know what full-time salary a highly educated mid-career employee in my technical field should expect.

In reality, I make as much now as I did as a first year graduate student. It’s not nothing. It’s pretty impressive considering I started the company from scratch immediately after my now-toddler was born. I wasn’t sure if I’d make any money at all, but I have. I succeeded. But it feels like a drop in the bucket.

My previous company’s financial troubles started right after my husband and I were married. For our whole marriage, he has been the primary earner without knowing beforehand he would take on that role. He’s a hard worker with a great job, but he has no desire to always be the main breadwinner as some men do. He works in the financial industry. His goal is to maximize his large income now so we can have enough for him to retire early. It frustrates both of us that he continues to work hard with a good income and yet our family finances keep getting tighter with depleted liquid savings and seemingly-never-shrinking debts. It stresses him out especially.

But he has never once pressured me about my earnings. He has been so supportive during the entire process of me forming my own company and trying to make it as a freelancer/entrepreneur. He regularly tells me how proud he is of me gaining clients and bringing in money. The pressure I feel is of my own making.

I feel guilty spending money on most anything these days, even larger-than-expected grocery bills. I buy new clothes and items for myself so infrequently. I could use more maternity outfits, especially warmer clothes for the colder weather, but I won’t spend the money. Even buying items for our toddler and upcoming new baby is difficult for me. I’ve been limiting myself to consignment sales for most kid items such as clothes and toys. I haven’t yet “splurged” on the crib mattress we need for the newborn. Every dollar I spend reminds me that I barely contribute to the family checking account.

I try not to be too hard on myself. My company is slowly growing. I have more active clients now than I’ve ever had. I’ll keep building it over time. God willing, I’ll bring in more and more income each year.

There are financial benefits to being a work-at-home mom. Very rarely do we ever pay for daycare. In my area, this saves us $7,000 - $10,000 per year. And with the new baby coming, that cost would be even higher: $14,000 - $17,000 per year. I don’t have to commute to work, so we save on gas and we’re able to share one car. I don’t eat out when I’m home alone with my toddler. I wear professional clothing and shoes less often, so they wear out less frequently. There are non-financial benefits, too – so many!

At this stage, I know I’d net more money and we’d be better off financially if I were to give up on my own company and work for someone else outside the home. The financial benefits of outside work outweigh the savings of working at home, for now. But it may not always be this way. I charge an impressive hourly rate for my services, so in theory, if I increased my billable hours enough and made more with passive income (sales of the book I’m writing, for example), I should come out ahead. But who knows when or if that will ever happen.

Supporting me as a work-at-home mom is a sacrifice and a chance we as a family take. I’ve done my fair share of complaining about finances and wondering aloud if I should look for a job. Not once has my husband thought that was a good idea. He believes in me and my company, and so do I.

Being a work-at-home mom isn’t easy. It’s a struggle. It’s a financial sacrifice for us. But we choose to believe it’s worth it. Beyond money, it certainly is worth it!

A Day in the Life of a WAHM with a 14-Month-Old

I recently wrote about a surprising discovery in my one-year-and-counting of being a work-at-home mom (WAHM): It got easier with time. But what do I actually do all day? How do I fit in caring for an almost 15-month-old toddler and working on my own business? It's not easy! It takes a lot of juggling. I still haven't figured out how to do everything I want to do. But, I do the best I can, and I learn along the way.

Here's how today went:

8:30 AM

I wake up. Usually I like to wake up closer to 7:30, but Josephine has been sleeping very poorly since I increased my efforts to wean her. So with multiple middle-of-the-night wake-ups, I sleep in. I read email and news on my phone from bed.

8:45 AM

Josephine, cuddled up next to me, wakes up. I'd prefer not to co-sleep with her at this age, but with her inability to stay asleep for long at night these days, I'd rather hold her when she wakes in the middle of the night. I breastfeed her for a short while in bed. I'm in the process of weaning her and have her down to two feedings per day.

8:45 – 9:15 AM

I change her diaper and clothes, do my morning routine, and all that jazz. Josephine is (temporarily?) not fond of baths, so lately she has been showering with me, though not every day.

9:15 AM – 10:00 AM

I relocate to the living room, the only truly baby-proof area of the house. This area also doubles as my home office. I work on the sofa with my laptop. I put Netflix cartoons on and let Josephine run around and play with her toys. I continually feed her snacks throughout the day: banana, pretzels, Ritz crackers, Goldfish crackers, raisins, popcorn, baby carrots, cereal, whatever keeps her happy. I also make sure multiple sippy cups are full of water. If at any point she wants me, I stop what I'm doing and spend some time with her. I read aloud to her daily, usually whatever I'm reading such as daily scripture or an article related to my industry, sometimes one of her books.

10:00 AM – 10:25 AM

I leave Josephine alone to enjoy her toys and cartoons. I go to a quieter area of the house to take a 25 minute business call with a new client. I prepare some newly cleaned cloth diapers while I'm on the phone.

10:25 – 10:40 AM

I return to the living room to work and hang out with Josephine, who's happily watching her cartoons, playing with her toys, and eating her snacks.

10:40 – 10:50 AM

I take a call from a reporter to be interviewed for an article. This isn't commonly part of my day, so I'm excited. Josephine doesn't even seem to notice I've left the room again.

10:50 – 11:10 AM

I return to the living room and work.

11:10 – 11:30 AM

My husband is home sick today. He has been alternatively napping and watching Josephine or doing his own thing. He suggests we go out to our local fast food restaurant for lunch. I put make-up on, change Josephine's diaper, and get us both ready for the cold outdoors. While waiting for my husband to get ready, I follow Josephine around the house, cleaning up after her as she goes.

11:30 AM – 12:00 PM

Usually I eat lunch at home, but since my husband wants to go out, we go out. I follow Josephine around the restaurant making sure she doesn't get into anything, stopping her when she tries to grab someone else's food off their table. We laugh as Josephine eats her chicken nuggets and dips her straw in ketchup. We didn't make too much of a mess this time out; just a few pieces of chicken nuggets and fries under her highchair. I let her run around some more while my husband is in the bathroom before we leave to go home.

12:00 – 2:00 PM

I work. Josephine plays and eats her snacks. I'm surprised she hasn't had a nap yet.

2:00-ish – 3:10 PM

Josephine finally falls asleep at some point. These days, she takes either one or two naps, depending on how sleepy she is. I take this opportunity to work in my home lab (where she's not allowed). I don't get as much done as I'd like before I hear her waking up.

3:10 – 6:30 PM

On nice days, I'd take Josephine out to the community tennis court with me to hit balls around sometime in the late afternoon. But this week is exceptionally cold, so I'm temporarily hibernating. Instead, I work. Also, my husband can't find his keys, so we search the whole house for them. We finally find them inside the living room TV subwoofer. Toddlers! While we have the couches temporarily moved, we take the opportunity to vacuum the floor.

6:30 PM

I pause for dinner: left-over pulled pork and mashed potatoes from yesterday's big meal. I give Josephine smaller portions of whatever I eat.

6:30 – 10:00 PM

Family time. I put the laptop away (for the most part). My husband and I hang out, chat, play with Josephine, and watch anything but cartoons. Somewhere in this time I clean up after dinner, put clean dishes from the dishwasher away, and run another load of dishes. Josephine runs around the house as I clean the kitchen. At some point later in the night, I breastfeed Josephine. Husband usually starts his bedtime preparations around 9:00, but he has already decided to take tomorrow off too, so he stays up until 10:00.

10:00 – 10:30 PM

Josephine watches cartoons and plays with toys for a little while, then cuddles up on the sofa with me and falls asleep. She usually falls asleep between 10:30 and 11:30, but because she only had one nap today, she tired early.

10:30 PM – 2:45 AM

I watch my own TV shows, browse the internet, and work. This is the best time to work! So peaceful. Usually I go to bed between 12:30 – 1:30 AM, but tonight I was inspired to write. Josephine has been sleeping poorly lately (since I stopped breastfeeding on demand in the middle of the night) so she wakes up approximately every-other-hour for a few seconds at a time. As long as she's cuddled with me, she goes right back to sleep. Sometimes. Last night she screamed for several minutes multiple times throughout the night, so I'm sort of dreading how the rest of this night will go.

There you have it, and fairly typical work-at-home-with-toddler day. It's hard to calculate how many hours I actually work because I pause very frequently to attend to my child or take care of something around the house. Occasionally, I'll take Josephine out for a couple of hours in the middle of the day to attend a playgroup. She's still too young to take to library story-time and other activities that require her to sit still. Occasionally I'll go out and my husband will watch her. He's staying home tomorrow, so I have plans to meet a colleague for a lunch meeting. Generally, our schedule is very flexible and fluid, just the way we like it.

6 Weeks of Hotel Living

Have you ever stayed in a hotel room with your entire family, including the pets? Could you imagine doing so for over six weeks? Welcome to my life!

We have survived living in one large hotel room together – my husband, my baby, three cats, a dog, four fish, and myself – for two weeks thus far. In exactly one month, we'll be moving into our new home. We're so excited! It's a huge, beautiful house with plenty of space for all of us and then some. I dream of having all that space. But while we wait, we're in extended stay hotel living which very much reminds me of college dorm room life.

One of the first things we did upon arrival was create a safe space for our quick crawler to move around. We blocked off half of the room with creative furniture rearrangement to separate the dog and dog's bowls from the baby's prying hands. The number of times I've had to wipe up water, refill the water bowl, and change the baby's wet outfit grew too many times for me to stand. She didn't take much notice of the dog food, but inevitably, some would have gotten in her mouth if the opportunity arose. It was much easier for us all to keep her away.

In the other partition, using a wall and three cat carriers, we blocked off the litter box. However, our little cruiser is turning into a climber and pusher. She has almost demonstrated the ability to push those barriers out of her way. It won't be much longer now. I don't even want to think about what she'll do when she finally reaches the cat litter box when my back is turned. She has already attempted to scale the air conditioner radiator when I wasn't looking. She landed on her back with a great thud, thankfully more startled than hurt.

But I want to get to the cat! I must climb!

When we made the hotel reservation by phone, the agent made a note in our file to include a crib. The problem was, there were no cribs at this particular location. He never bothered to check! Thinking we wouldn't need it, our crib was packed in storage until our move into our new home. When we realized the mistake, we were stuck. Although we were trying to wean our seven-month-old from co-sleeping, we now had no choice. She was to become our sleeping companion once again.

And it was miserable. Our squirmer kicked and rolled, frequently waking me and occasionally my husband. For the first time in all our months of cosleeping (pretty much her whole life), she rolled off the bed, waking me from sleep with such dread upon hearing her screams from the floor. Thankfully, she was unharmed. I took extra care to protect our sleeping space from then on, leading to more physical separation from my husband. After a week and a half of this, it was clear that something needed to change.

So we went to Babies R Us and bought a crib, a portable inexpensive one with cute star patterned sheets. We probably should have done so from the start. She now has her own safe sleeping space at the foot of our bed. Unfortunately, with the whole family in one room, we no longer have the ability to kick the cats out while we sleep. A cat jumped into her crib last night and woke her, therefore waking me. I've also experienced a cat sleeping on my head or meowing for the love of it at 4 AM. Hotel living is not great for sleeping.

Surrounded by cats in the big bed.

Not to be wasteful, we decided to use one crib in the nursery on the third floor of our new home and one crib on the ground floor. Our previous home was only one story with any part of the house easily accessible while carrying a sleeping baby. But carrying a sleeping baby from the ground floor to the third floor sounds like a poor idea to me, especially when navigating a set of baby gates at each stairwell. Our new crib is useful when we're cramped and will be useful when we're spread out!

A benefit of hotel living: easy baby watching. There's only so many places she can go, and all of them are within view when I'm sitting on the room's couch! As a work-at-home mom, I've claimed the couch as my office and spent much of the day here with my laptop and my phone. The baby can roam in front of me and to the side of me, she can nurse on me, or she can nap in the crib. Wherever she is, I can see her. This doesn't mean I get a ton of work done these days as an employee, but I'm trying. It has been a greater struggle than I expected, but that's a story for another day!

Work at Home Mom: Reaching for the Stars, Learning how to Swim

My little girl at 7 months

When I accepted an offer to begin work at the same time we’d be packing up our house to move for my husband’s new job multiple states away, I knew I was crazy. What was I thinking!? Not that I had much choice – my start date was already delayed by my new boss’s vacation and my life isn’t going to calm down any time soon. So, full speed ahead!

I love my career. I spent 11 years studying in higher education and held multiple volunteer and lower-level jobs to get to where I am now: a mid-level expert-in-training in my industry. Since January, I had been staying at home with my baby, working from home and occasionally elsewhere on small tasks and minor gigs. I started my own consulting business and earned a little bit of money, enough to travel for business trips and conferences, but not enough to pay myself salary. I kept searching for the right client that would land me a major paycheck. Finally, I found one. I’m reaching for the stars, which is a fitting analogy if you know I work in the space industry.

The first two weeks of being a for-real WAHM felt like I was drowning in responsibilities. I’d splash and kick, gasping for air at the surface, treading water with all my might, feeling as though I could go under at any moment. The thought did cross my mind once, briefly, that maybe this was a bad idea and I should quit. But I didn’t. I kept on swimming, as our fish friend would say.

It didn’t help that the baby’s worst day since her early newborn weeks was my first day of work. I kicked off that Monday morning with back-to-back phone meetings, during which she was thankfully quiet. Then she became a miserable monster and stayed unhappy for the rest of the day. I got little done. I thought, maybe this is teething for real, then dismissed my speculation. A couple days later, I felt the sharp edges of a bottom tooth popping through. It wasn’t all in my head after all.

Getting little done continued to be a theme. I began to question whether I really could be a stay-at-home mom and work a real job that required my focus and dedication. But to be honest, my circumstances skewed my perspective. That first week, I spent far more time on the phone and in meetings with various people who were to help me prepare our home for sale, sell our home, move our belongings, house us temporarily, and help us find and finance a new home. I felt like both a poor mother and a poor employee as I spent hours and hours in personal logistics planning.

The baby, now 7 months old, is developing separation anxiety. She could be well-rested, well-fed, and surrounded by toys, but still throw a fit if I’m not holding her when she wants to be held or if I leave the room and don’t allow her to follow me. But a baby cooing or fussing into the earpiece is not a professional sound over a business call. Twice I placed her safely among her toys in the living room, then shut myself in my bedroom closet (two layers of separation!) in order to muffle her screams to make a call. It felt undignified to conduct business on the floor of my closet. I’ll have to develop a better solution.

After a minor break-down last week, I decided to step back and regroup. I’m only human. I put so much pressure on being an excellent new employee, I was placing unrealistic expectations on myself. I’m sure that my new bosses 1) didn’t expect a brand newcomer to excel at the job immediately, and 2) understood that moving is stressful and would cut me some slack. I spent the beginning of week #2 focusing on what I could do in the moment and not getting too worked up over feeling behind.

Until I actually was behind. Wednesday came to a close and I had barely worked all week. Frantically, I worked extra hard these past two days, catching up. I woke up early Thursday morning, stayed up late Thursday night, and woke up early Friday. And do you know what? I was just fine. I accomplished what I needed to accomplish. No one cared that I hadn’t fully finished one of my tasks yet, no one but me. I called it quits Friday afternoon with a task still open, and the world didn’t end.

You might recall from my previous entry that I actually scored two new jobs, one major and one minor. I had to put the minor gig on hold. I’m at my capacity at the moment. Until I’m out of this house (one more week!), I can’t take on anything else. But that job isn’t urgent and the big boss still hasn’t signed my contract yet for an “official” start, so I feel justified in delaying.

My husband and I have talked about hiring help once we move. In his current position, he can occasionally work from home. When he’s here and not in a meeting, we share child caring duties. I leaned on him Thursday and Friday while I worked hard to catch up. But when he begins his new job in two weeks, he’ll be in the office every day. I may hire a part-time nanny or babysitter to help lessen my load. I’ll play that decision by ear.

I am so fortunate – I love my job. I’m able to do satisfying work in a field I’m passionate about. My company is very family-friendly, which is what drew me to the position. It’s a small company with everyone working from home offices around the globe, some of which are also work-at-home parents. It’s a friendly, supportive atmosphere. I feel so very grateful to be able to stay home with my little girl and participate in my chosen career!

Standing, Moving, Working, Panicking! I Am Not Alone

It's a holiday here in the States, but my mind is racing. I start my major contract job in one week. I already received a meeting invitation for Monday 9:00 AM. I've been told what my first assignment will be. It'll be a lot of work, right off the bat! I spent energy during the interview process convincing them that I can do the job, so now I need to convince myself. That won't be easy. I'm my sharpest critic.

Meanwhile, I have a draft of a contract to finalize and sign with my side job. Assuming that's completed next week, I'll be starting both jobs at the same time. I've been putting it off, not because I can't be bothered with approving a contract, but because I already feel overwhelmed. And I haven't even started yet.

Meanwhile, my little girl is racing ahead of milestones at a stunning pace, leaving me, well, stunned. She went from lunging to crawling to standing to cruising furniture in a matter of weeks. She's only six months old! I hadn't planned to babyproof the house yet. I don't want to babyproof a house I might move out of in a few weeks. Today my husband and I bought baby gates which had been on our to-do list for two weeks since she discovered the dog's food and water bowls in the laundry room. I've had to mop up the floor and change her more times than I'd like to admit. It also takes work to chase her away from trouble, constantly keeping and eye out.

A developing baby means more independence from me. She can play mostly on her own for a large part of her waking hours. She can crawl around the majority of the house now that I've blocked off areas and babyproofed as she found trouble. With my laptop, I can follow her around and get stuff done at the same time. I'm sleep training her, so now she can even nap without needing me to nurse her to sleep. Progress. Baby steps, figuratively and literally.

My husband should get a final written offer from his potential new job on Tuesday. We're in limbo until then. My mind is racing with plans but I can't solidify them until I get the okay. On Tuesday, if it's what he wants, we're all go go go to move, sell our house, and buy a new one. And everything that comes with that. Every little thing. Anxiety! Stress! Panic!

We met with our real estate agent this morning, the same woman who helped me buy this house two years ago. She toured the property, making a verbal list of everything we need to do to best sell our home. Every comment she made caused me to shrink with stress and anxiety, as if her words were hammering me on the head and stealing my future time and happiness. Between starting two new jobs, caring for a mobile baby, saying goodbye to friends, and packing, when were we going to find the time to handle all these home repairs and touch-ups?

Then the seasoned real estate agent – God bless her – said those beautiful words: “I'll handle it.” She advised us to move out, vacate the house, then she'll take care of the rest. I could have hugged her. Then, my husband mentioned as an aside that his potential new company's relocation package included packaging and shipping all of our belongings. He'd forgotten to mention that before. And just like that, the weight lifted.

Yes, this house needs a deep clean, and trimming of this, and caulking of that, and the list goes on and on. Yes, an entire household needs to be packed up and moved across the country. But I don't have to do it. It doesn't have to be my responsibility. It doesn't need to weigh down my to-do list.

Yes, we need to find our new home, and the sooner, the better. But we won't buy sight unseen. So I need to put that worry aside and just wait. Yes, I start two new jobs in a week. But no one will expect me to have a major report done on my first day or even my first month. There's always a learning period.

If you haven't noticed, have a tendency to want to handle everything all by myself. I'm very independent. I know that I'll do it the way I want it to be done. Then I overload myself and wonder why I can't complete things the way I want to. But I really can do this, with help. With lots and lots of help.

I am not alone.

This is a lesson I'll need to repeat to myself again and again. It's okay to let others handle things. It's okay to let go of the things that others can do, and often do better. It's okay to outsource, to hire help, to ask for help, to remove some of the weight from my shoulders and put it on someone else. It's not all on me. I don't have to do everything, and that's okay.

And with this realization, I'm back to enjoying my holiday. My husband, my baby, and I are all hanging out as my husband plays guitar. We'll join our neighbors for a party this evening. I can enjoy my (possibly) last weeks in our home and our city. I can focus on my friends, my family, and my new adventures. I can live my life without overwhelming stress. I just need to let go. Let go and let God, as the saying goes.