The Full-Time Question

In my introductory post, I explained how I came to be an accidental work-at-home mom, part time. I haven’t worked full-time since my baby was born. And if I’m honest, I haven’t worked full-time in maybe a year because there’s not much going on in a company going out of business.

Going from working part-time at home pre-baby to working part-time at home post-baby was easy. I learned how to free my hands enough use my computer while she nursed or slept on me. I became decent at one-handed typing. I started work-at-home momming gradually when she was just a few days old. I was full-swing into when I attended a local workshop when she was five weeks old. We've been rocking it ever since.

Sleeping baby position #1 as I wrote this blog entry.

For me, being a part-time work-from-home mom has been easy (so far). I work projects of interest on my laptop from my living room or back porch while the baby sleeps, nurses, or plays. I’m interrupted constantly and therefore it takes longer to accomplish tasks, but breaks aren’t a bad thing.

I pick and choose which projects I want to get involved with. Some tasks have deadlines and are prioritized. Others are “whenever I feel like it,” such as my professional blog, my book writing, and my reports.

But one thing I am not is an 8-hour-per-day working mom. I couldn’t tell you how much of my day is spent on business. I multi-task and switch things up constantly: email, news, social media, projects, breastfeed, play with baby, change diapers, clean house, prepare food, take care of errands, take care of myself, go to business-related events, and whatever else falls into my lap.

Sleeping baby position #2 as I wrote this blog entry.

Work-life integration is the new buzzphrase and I have it down solid! I am one seamless work-life integrator. But I don’t work 40 hours per week, probably not even half that. I don’t work much right now. But I have excellent work-life satisfaction!

I’m a little nervous that I’m a finalist for a full-time work-from-home position. In a surprising twist, I’m more nervous about getting the job than I am about not getting it! Being rejected means status quo, my life remains the same. I can continue to leisurely work-from-home part-time on whatever projects I choose.

Taking the job means juggling everything around and needing to find solid working hours during the day with many more deadlines and phone meetings. It’s always an unknown whether the baby will remain quiet while I’m on the phone. Probably not.

Position #3 while writing this blog entry - playing! She's not always quiet.

My little girl is a few days shy of 6 months old. Since she refuses to take a bottle, she has been attached to me day and night, attending work-related events with me, even attending an out-of-state conference with me. The thought of putting her in (very expensive) daycare sounds undesirable and potentially unfeasible until she’s older. But the option exists if there’s no better alternative.

Even with full-time work, I think I’d still be able to watch her at home most of the time. I’m considering an occasional nanny or daytime babysitter, someone who could watch her for a couple hours per day or a few hours per week, depending on my needs. Or, maybe I’ll surprise myself and actually be able to work a full-time job from home while watching the baby full-time. Maybe. Am I crazy?

This potential job seems to cater to work-at-home parents. The CEO of the small company has three little ones at home and told me during our initial call (in November!) that the company leans toward work-life balance. Another man I interviewed with who has been with the company for 13 years, has four kids, and praised his ability to be a work-at-home dad. Although not everyone in the company is a parent, it does sound like families come first. If I take this job, I really think I could make it work with a home office and still watch my little girl grow up. (And I do want to add more babies to our family sooner than later, God willing!)

Even more uncertainty is added to this hypothetical life when I consider my husband’s situation. He’s being flown out to cities around the country to be interviewed for a potential big career advancement. His job interview in another state on Monday sounds particularly promising. We could be moving across the country in a month or two.

Moving locations won’t matter to my potential work-from-home employer, but it would mean less in-person business events and meetings for me. Where we live now is a hub for my industry. Where we’d potentially be moving to, my industry isn’t there. Everything I’d do would be online or would require business travel.

I am the kind of person who defines myself by my career: a scientist in the space industry. No, I take that back. I was defined by my love of my industry long before it became a career, as far back as 3rd grade when I wrote a short story about being an astronaut. My passion for what I do “for a living” goes beyond whether I’m paid for it, and some of my current projects are in fact volunteer or pro bono. I love, live, breath science/astro/space. Becoming a mom hasn’t changed that.

Even without this potential full-time position, I’d still continue building my consulting business, part-time. Even with this potential full-time position, I still want to build my consulting business part-time. I know, I sound crazy.

I’ll stick another tick-mark in the crazy box by admitting I might want to homeschool my kid(s) someday.

Too much speculation, too many hypotheticals, too much unknown. For now, I vent my thoughts on the Internet. Decisions will be made later.

Working mom and silly-faced baby at an industry event last month.

What I Learned Taking a Baby to a Professional Conference (Part 2)

I took 5-month-old Josephine to an informal professional networking event last night and reminded myself that I still had yet to write about our adventures at an out-of-state conference together. Rest and catch-up are top priorities after returning from travel. Now I can reflect on the positive and negative of bringing a baby to a professional conference.

Working and playing, as well as we can together.

Community Support

I had a lot of fears about being a working mother after I gave birth to my daughter and it became clear that she was too young to be away from me for long. I worried that I would be seen as less than professional if I brought her with me. I expected negative or inappropriate comments. I would not have been surprised if people had asked me to leave when they saw me with a baby. Babies don't belong in work environments, right?

My fears were the furthest from the truth. Every time I brought my baby, I was welcomed with open arms. Colleagues and new acquaintances loved meeting her and watching her grow. Young women and older men thanked me for bringing her. Only once was I asked not to attend a meeting with her, a rare exception to the warm welcome she's received. She's an instant star no matter where I go. The one downside is that on occasion, colleagues are more interested in talking about her than about business!

Bringing her to one day of the local conference was a test. Taking her on a plane to Colorado, without my husband, for a 3-day conference was the real deal! How would she behave? How would others react? Would I be able to attend the conference talks at all?

I was overwhelmed with the generosity, encouragement, and support from the conference staff and attendees! From the moment we arrived, others offered to hold her, play with her, give her toys (conference swag), and take care of her. Conference staff made her a special name badge. She attracted conference attendees like a magnet. One man thanked me for bringing her because her sounds during the talks lessened the seriousness of the atmosphere and reminded him of home and humanity.

Baby Genius - All Star!

The Noise

There's no way around it: babies make noise and there's no quieting them. I knew that I would be in and out of talks. I just hoped that I would be in more than out.

I lucked out with a relatively mellow baby. She doesn't cry all that much, but she does have her moments. She wasn't feeling well on Friday afternoon, so I hid in the bathroom for a long time, hoping the thick doors would dampen her screams. But worse, I didn't have my phone or laptop because I couldn't return to the conference ball room with a screaming baby to retrieve them, my feet were hurting me in brand new dress pumps, and there were no restroom chairs, so I sat barefoot on the floor not even knowing the time while she screamed and screamed. Eventually she did calm down and we reemerged. Aside from that outburst, screaming fits were rare.

More common were little baby grunts from learning to crawl and play and “songs” from learning to use her voice. When those got too loud and persistent, I needed to leave the room. Sometimes I would walk with her along the back wall by the door, leaving when she was loud and returning when she had quieted. In and out, in and out. While this certainly is not an ideal way to hear talks, I was able to pick up bits and pieces of conversation this way.

Most of the time, she was quiet enough for me to be in the room. Especially when she napped in my lap! During those periods, I could focus on the speakers and pretend I was attending a conference as usual. Except that I was in the back of the room sitting on the floor next to toys, usually.

Conference swag makes for good toys.

Baby Wearing

I wore my baby in her wrap less often than I expected to. There were times when it made sense, such as during a tour of a nearby company's facilities where we'd be walking a lot. I opted not to bring a stroller to the airport, instead wearing her around the terminal. However, during the conference talks, mostly we were sitting down. I tried sitting with her in my lap, but she got bored quickly. Instead, I laid a baby blanket on the ground and let her play with toys independent of me as much as possible. Outside of talks, she would be passed from person to person so much that it didn't make sense to attach her to me. I'm glad I brought the wrap and I did use it frequently, but she wasn't attached to me at all times.

Baby hanging out on the tour.

Hotel Sleeping

I have difficulty sleeping in a strange place. So, it seems, does my baby. We didn't have our normal routine and sleep aids such as her swing, so sleep didn't come as naturally to her. It was a struggle each night to get her to stay asleep. Usually I succeeded an hour or two after her usual bedtime.

I opted not to bring her crib, instead allowing her to sleep in the king-size bed with me. At home, her crib is right next to our king-sized bed so she spend half the night in her bed and inevitably half the night in ours. Co-sleeping works well for us. I didn't even think twice about keeping her in the bed with me while on travel.

Sleeping on my lap.

Breastfeeding Business

No one batted an eye when I nursed my baby during the conference. No one stared. One lady offered to give me her seat if I'd be more comfortable. To clarify, I always use a blanket or wrap to cover us up when she feeds, but I'll continue to carry on conversations like normal.

Brave, Hero and Supermom

I was called all these things for bringing a baby to a conference. I am none of them. I am simply a working mom who loves my career and loves being with my child. I find it interesting that in our culture, we would see this behavior as something to be praised highly with descriptions such as brave, hero, and supermom. In my opinion, this only points to the need to combine maternity and career for new moms and make what I did common.

Thanks for bringing me along, mom!

Lessons Learned Attending a Professional Conference with a Baby (Part 1)

I've never seen a baby at a professional conference before. Prior to having my own baby, it never would have occurred to me that a mother would choose to take her child with her. Now that I have a baby of my own who refuses a bottle, my only choices are to participate in my profession with the baby or not participate at all. Yesterday, I chose to stand out from the crowd.

I didn't know how anyone would react to my presence with the baby. Worst case scenario, I thought I'd be denied entry or asked to leave. Second-worst case, I thought the baby would scream, causing me to miss most of the conference I paid for. I didn't know if anyone would stare at me or make a negative comment about how unprofessional or disruptive it was to bring a baby. I prepared to defend my choice, if necessary.

Fears are usually all in our head. Not only was I welcomed with the baby, I received so many compliments! By the end of the day, at least four people told me that they hadn't heard a peep from her and she was the most well behaved baby they had ever seen. It's not that she didn't make a peep, it's that I contained her well. She kept me on my toes!

I learned a new wrap style for the occasion: outward facing carry. I still wrap her in a sling style when nursing discretely, but my 5-month-old no longer wants to face my chest. She wants to see the world! The outward facing wrap is the most secure wrap style I've learned yet and was truly hands-free. It was perfect for times when I needed to walk around and mingle such as during the talk breaks and exhibit hall networking.

To my surprise, I did not spend all of my time standing and bouncing her along the wall. Instead, I found a back corner away from foot traffic and closest to the bathroom. There I laid out a small blanket and some toys, plugged in my laptop, and sat on the floor to listen and work. It was ideal! I may have looked silly to others, but this really was the best possible arrangement. The baby kept herself well occupied, I could work without holding her or constantly moving her active hands away from my laptop, and we were completely out of the eyesight of all conference attendees except those walking along the back of the room.

Playing with free conference swag!

In retrospect, it was a wise move on my part to wear pants instead of the cute pencil skirt I had wanted to wear. Sitting on the floor with legs in any direction would not have worked well in a skirt or dress. It was also smart of me to wear a cowl neckline for easy access.

Listening to the conference speakers uninterrupted only happened when the baby was napping. Unlike a normal day, she only dozed off for short periods of time – no long naps. Applause would wake her, usually just for a moment, but sometimes stirring was enough to snap her out of her slumber. As a result, at no time was I away from my baby and able to attend the conference as a normal professional except when two of the college-aged conference volunteers asked to hold her.

I was able to attend all of the conference talks (except when I stayed in the exhibit hall for too long during a break). Even though I was in and out a lot, I was able to get a lot out of attending. I live tweeted and I took notes. I got the gist out of the conversation. I was surprised at how much of the conference I could actually attend.

As someone put it yesterday, a baby and a dog in a crowd have similar outcome: people flock to you for the cuteness. A baby is an effective networking aid. Colleagues and strangers alike approached to meet the baby and, secondarily, me. She was a natural conversation starter. The one negative was that because time was short and the baby was easy to talk about, I didn't talk as much “shop” as I would have liked. Part of that was also the fault of the conference schedule: too few and too short breaks. I had hoped that the 6:00 networking session would make up for it, but by that point, the baby had had enough and it was time to go home.

Astronaut Baby!

It's always a concern when going out: a diaper blow-out (or poop explosion, if you prefer). We had one. We survived. I packed plenty of diapers and wipes as well as a spare change of clothes. Thankfully, none got on me. I cleaned her up and no one noticed.

Overall, taking my baby with me to a professional conference was a success. I tear up when I think of how supportive my work community is. So many positive comments and words of encouragement! I want to thank every one of you who helped me to get over my fear of negative judgment and do what works best for us. I feel so blessed to have such beautiful people in my life.

This local conference was practice. The test is next week's three-day out-of-state conference. Stay tuned!

Also, Josephine got to meet her fifth astronaut and take additional photos with ones she had already met. And she went to Mars!

Baby on Mars!

What I Learned Taking My Baby to a Professional Luncheon: Pre-Conference Prep

Since the beginning of my work-at-home journey four months ago, I've had an ongoing inner dialog:

“Is it unprofessional to bring my baby to a professional event?”
“Why would it be unprofessional?”
“But I've never seen anyone else take a baby to this event.”
“Just because it's uncommon in our society doesn't make it unprofessional.”
“Will colleagues think less of me?”
“It's their bias if they do. Why am I trying to impress them? Some love seeing the baby.”
“It would be easier not to bring her.”
“The alternative is to skip the event and hide from my professional community.”
“I want to go. I just don't want to stand out as being the weird working mom.”
“I've never been all that conventional anyway.”

Lately, the conversation has concluded with this definitive statement:

“In a few weeks I'll be taking the baby with me, alone, to an out-of-state conference for three whole days. I need to get over it.”

So, today I took my baby to a monthly professional luncheon with a guest speaker. Previously, I'd ask my husband to watch her, but he couldn't today. Rather than skip the event, I brought her with me. If people were going to judge me, let them.

Although I must admit, I felt nervous during the long walk from the parking lot to the door with my baby in arms, dressed in professional attire. My baby would stick out. I would stick out. There was no way to do this under the radar. I just needed to own my actions and stand tall.

The first person I saw as I opened the door was a friend of mine, a few years younger than I am, who loves seeing photos of my baby on social media. Seeing his warm face as he greeted my child made me feel at ease. One right after another, colleagues and strangers approached me to meet the baby and say hello. She was an instant conversation starter! I'm a good networker, but it helps to have people flock to you.

A colleague of mine who I see as a bit of a mentor said to me, “I used to bring my kid to these kinds of events.” And I felt even more at ease. When I was pregnant, another mentor of mine told me that he took two years off from his career to be a stay-at-home dad when his kids were young. These stories from people I admire in my profession help me to feel not so odd and alone.

So, how did the baby do during the luncheon and talk? She was a people observer at the start, staring at everyone and everything as I walked around greeting and conversing. The kind man sitting next to me plated my salad and poured my water. The baby started getting fussy as I attempted to eat said salad.

I took her to the bathroom to wrap her, and with my boob hanging out so she could nurse mid-wrap, a woman walked in and offered to help me if I needed it. Not sure what kind of help she could give me, but it was a sweet offer. It's notable that I'm at the point where I no longer care if a stranger sees most of my boob in the women's bathroom.

Blissfully sleeping during the luncheon. For a short time, anyway. - May 10, 2016

Once I had my baby wrapped and feeding, she was a lot easier to care for. But I still couldn't sit down long to eat without complaints. So I stood by the doorway and bounced. She nursed until blessed sleep came. Then I was able to eat my lunch in peace. She woke up during the talk, so I resumed bouncing her by the doorway and walking her along the wall. She was great until the very end when she started happily babbling. Even happy sounds are noise, so I took her out in the hallway for the last five minutes. She was happy and babbling away and I said goodbyes after the talk.

As usual at professional events, may people made appreciative comments about me bringing her and no one said anything negative about it. One colleague even texted me after to thank me for bringing her, saying it was the first time he had seen a baby at one of these events. My fear of being negatively judged, while probably real, is mostly in my head. I need to remember this as I'm carrying my baby around a conference in a few weeks!

And because we were in the area, we stopped by the port to see a reusable rocket stage that launch to space on Friday and then landed vertically on a ship in the ocean. I love my profession.

The recovered SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket state at Port Canaveral, Florida. - May 10, 2016

Take My Kid to Work, and to Work-Related Play, Every Day

Today is Take Your Kid to Work Day in the United States, and unofficial day originally created to expose girls to the workforce. As a work-at-home mom, every day is Take My Kid to Work Day for me. And I do take Josephine everywhere – meetings, networking events, science fairs, even workshops and conferences. Even if I worked outside of the home, I'd still take her with me to work from time to time, no special day needed.

I was invited to a networking reception for my industry yesterday. It began at 5:00 and my husband wasn't even home from work yet, so I took my baby with me. I still don't know if or how many people may judge me for bringing a baby to a professional event, but at this stage of my life, I just don't care. My baby is well behaved and people love her. She's a natural conversation starter and ice breaker. To date, no one has said anything negative to me about bringing my baby along, but many people have been grateful I did. One other person did bring their kid with them, but she's college-aged!

Mommy and baby at the reception

Josephine met her fourth astronaut yesterday, the Director of NASA's Kennedy Space Center, Bob Cabana. (I work in the space industry, if you were wondering.) He immediately took her in his arms and cuddled with her, calling himself the baby whisperer. His eyes shone as he talked about his upcoming visit to see his grandchildren. It was so sweet.

Astronaut #4 on Josephine's list: the baby whisperer

Unfortunately, no one told me that there would be a very, very long stretch of talking and presentations in the middle of this party! My baby can be quiet, but not for that long. I eventually had to take her to the next room where we bonded with the catering staff. Josephine had a giggling fit that apparently could be heard in the next room – oops – but no one minded, I was told.

I didn't wrap her, but she did play with my wrap on the ground before it got crowded.

Josephine eventually fell asleep on my shoulder as I wrapped up networking and said my goodbyes. As someone who works from home, it's nice to get out and about to see my colleagues and meet new acquaintances. And so long as I can, I'll take my child with me.

What does Take Your Kid To Work Day look for me on a regular day at home? It takes all forms. But in order for me to finish writing the latter half of this, it looks like this.

Mid afternoon nap on my lap in my outdoor office. How long will it last?

Building a Community as a Work-At-Home Mom

I am an extrovert. I love people and I love interacting with many people. This may come as a surprise to other bloggers and others who work from home. Don’t I get lonely? Don’t I miss interacting with coworkers?

No, not really. I still have a community within my industry, both local and global, and I interact with them daily. Sometimes I get to see them in person and love it. But on most days, I connect online, and that’s good enough for me.

I’ve read advice to teleworkers about avoiding social media. I defy that advice. Interacting with my industry via social media, especially Twitter, is my connection to the outside world. Twitter is how I read most of my industry news through micro-blogging and posted articles. Twitter is how I communicate with people in my industry around the world, no matter where I am. Twitter along with LinkedIn, my industry-related blog, my industry-related vlog, email, and my consulting firm’s website are how I communicate and stay relevant in my industry.

Almost daily I initiate some kind of conversation with colleagues via Twitter, either throwing out open-ended questions or talking points to my general audience or by engaging with colleagues directly based on what they post. This is my coffee break conversation. They are my sounding board. They are often a source of knowledge not easily found via Googling.

Just because I’m a WAHM doesn’t mean I’m a shut-in. I get out to in-person meetings and events as well. Most of the time, my husband watches the baby while I’m out at professional functions. But I think I’m about to become more open to taking the baby with me now that I have so many events lined up. I have nine semi-professional or professional events to attend in person in the next few weeks. I’m also attending a conference or two in the next few months. I also have a very active social life that died down a little during my first month postpartum but has recovered now. I don’t lack adult conversation.

Generalizations aren’t true for everyone. I work from home but I’m not lonely or alone. I prefer the company of my online colleagues to many of the office coworkers I’ve had in past jobs. I love the balance I’ve found in connecting with people online and in person. It works for me!