Since the beginning of my work-at-home journey four months ago, I've had an ongoing inner dialog:
“Is it unprofessional to bring my baby to a professional event?”
“Why would it be unprofessional?”
“But I've never seen anyone else take a baby to this event.”
“Just because it's uncommon in our society doesn't make it unprofessional.”
“Will colleagues think less of me?”
“It's their bias if they do. Why am I trying to impress them? Some love seeing the baby.”
“It would be easier not to bring her.”
“The alternative is to skip the event and hide from my professional community.”
“I want to go. I just don't want to stand out as being the weird working mom.”
“I've never been all that conventional anyway.”
Lately, the conversation has concluded with this definitive statement:
“In a few weeks I'll be taking the baby with me, alone, to an out-of-state conference for three whole days. I need to get over it.”
So, today I took my baby to a monthly professional luncheon with a guest speaker. Previously, I'd ask my husband to watch her, but he couldn't today. Rather than skip the event, I brought her with me. If people were going to judge me, let them.
Although I must admit, I felt nervous during the long walk from the parking lot to the door with my baby in arms, dressed in professional attire. My baby would stick out. I would stick out. There was no way to do this under the radar. I just needed to own my actions and stand tall.
The first person I saw as I opened the door was a friend of mine, a few years younger than I am, who loves seeing photos of my baby on social media. Seeing his warm face as he greeted my child made me feel at ease. One right after another, colleagues and strangers approached me to meet the baby and say hello. She was an instant conversation starter! I'm a good networker, but it helps to have people flock to you.
A colleague of mine who I see as a bit of a mentor said to me, “I used to bring my kid to these kinds of events.” And I felt even more at ease. When I was pregnant, another mentor of mine told me that he took two years off from his career to be a stay-at-home dad when his kids were young. These stories from people I admire in my profession help me to feel not so odd and alone.
So, how did the baby do during the luncheon and talk? She was a people observer at the start, staring at everyone and everything as I walked around greeting and conversing. The kind man sitting next to me plated my salad and poured my water. The baby started getting fussy as I attempted to eat said salad.
I took her to the bathroom to wrap her, and with my boob hanging out so she could nurse mid-wrap, a woman walked in and offered to help me if I needed it. Not sure what kind of help she could give me, but it was a sweet offer. It's notable that I'm at the point where I no longer care if a stranger sees most of my boob in the women's bathroom.
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| Blissfully sleeping during the luncheon. For a short time, anyway. - May 10, 2016 |
Once I had my baby wrapped and feeding, she was a lot easier to care for. But I still couldn't sit down long to eat without complaints. So I stood by the doorway and bounced. She nursed until blessed sleep came. Then I was able to eat my lunch in peace. She woke up during the talk, so I resumed bouncing her by the doorway and walking her along the wall. She was great until the very end when she started happily babbling. Even happy sounds are noise, so I took her out in the hallway for the last five minutes. She was happy and babbling away and I said goodbyes after the talk.
As usual at professional events, may people made appreciative comments about me bringing her and no one said anything negative about it. One colleague even texted me after to thank me for bringing her, saying it was the first time he had seen a baby at one of these events. My fear of being negatively judged, while probably real, is mostly in my head. I need to remember this as I'm carrying my baby around a conference in a few weeks!
And because we were in the area, we stopped by the port to see a reusable rocket stage that launch to space on Friday and then landed vertically on a ship in the ocean. I love my profession.
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| The recovered SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket state at Port Canaveral, Florida. - May 10, 2016 |
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