To be a fully grown woman, mature and sophisticated, and to pee myself in line at the grocery store is such an embarrassment that I never told anyone, not any store employees, not even my husband. I couldn't keep my urinary incontinence a secret at home, however. My husband asking, “Did you pee yourself?” any time I sneezed became a running joke. I'll never forget the evening I had to tell a restaurant waitress that I had both vomited and peed on their bathroom floor, because once liquid started spewing from the front, I could no longer control liquid from the bottom. I was a mess, just like many other women in pregnancy.
I have no medical training, so I tend to believe the medical advice I read by doctors and professionals. Every single general pregnancy book and many pregnancy articles I came across suggested Kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor. Simply contract the muscles down there as if holding in pee, then hold, then release. Simple, right? I started doing them more and more as my wetting problem worsened. Each time I had to change my panties mid-day, I took it as a failure on my part to practice Kegels.
In my early third trimester, I admitted to my midwife that my pee problem was affecting my sex life (I won't go into detail). She referred me to a specialist, a physical therapist that specializes in women's pelvic floor health. There are just over 200 such doctors in the entire United States, and as luck would have it, one of them worked just 30 minutes away.
It didn't take long for my new doctor to diagnose me with hypertonic pelvic floor, a condition she sees frequently. I was always contracting, forgetting or not knowing how to release. Kegel exercises made my situation worse! Each time I practiced Kegels, I forced my muscle to contract more and more. Full release never came. All of the advice advising Kegels for incontinence was one-size-fits-all that probably helped a majority of ladies out there. But for me, this advice did damage that we needed to undo.
I began seeing my physical therapist weekly. I needed to learn to unclench my pelvic floor muscle and control it before I could learn to strengthen it. Each appointment, she would stick a finger in me to evaluate where I was. With the help of various breathing techniques during pregnancy and strengthening exercises postpartum, I learned not only how to control my pelvic floor, but I was surprised to learn that the muscle has such a large range of motion!
I fully believe that seeing a pelvic floor specialist for the last two months of my pregnancy is what led to pushing out my baby being the easiest part of my labor by far! Labor was long and horrific, but pushing was one-two-three-out! My daughter was pushed out so quickly that the doctor and nurses weren't even ready to catch her.
Added bonus: sex isn't painful anymore! I had resigned myself to believing that penetration would always hurt for me, that it was just part of how my body operated. Intercourse hurt so badly that I could not lose my virginity the first time I tried, nor the second time, nor the third time. I just thought it would always be that way. But toward the end of my pregnancy, I was amazed to discover that sex didn't hurt! With a breathing technique called a “big belly blow” and other exercises, I learned to relax my vagina and allow what I wanted in.
Since around 7 weeks postpartum, I've been seeing my physical therapist and her assistants every-other-week. Today's appointment may be my second-to-last because I've almost regained full control. My “guard” reflex is gone, my scar tissue isn't tender to the touch, and I can control my bladder when I sneeze or bend over to pick something up. Sexual penetration is still painless. From my point of view, it's a miraculous turn-around from where I was six months ago.
If you or another woman you know is having difficulty with urinary incontinence pre- or post-birth and Kegel exercises don't seem to help, talk to a specialist. You never know when you'll be the exception to the common advice.
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