Being a Work-At-Home Mom with a Destructive Toddler

The last time I wrote in detail about being a work-at-home mom (WAHM) while watching a young toddler at home full-time, she was nearly 15 months old and on a predictable schedule. I could generally plan my day around her sleeping, waking, and eating routine.

Now she’s about to turn 2 years old next week. She’s a handful! She gets into a lot more trouble now.

Just as I was typing that last sentence, I had to pause for several minutes to stop her from her latest trend of climbing the TV stand and shaking the TV, first by attempting to distract her, then by removing her from the room and shutting her in her bedroom. Unfortunately, she can still do a lot of damage to her bedroom, so I need to stay in the bedroom with her as I continue to write.

Handling a mostly non-verbal toddler has been exceedingly challenging over the past few weeks. She excels in physical abilities to climb and get into things she shouldn’t. She loves to draw with anything she can get her hands on (crayons, pens, colored pencils, even her own poop) but doesn’t understand why the whole world (including walls and furniture) isn’t her canvas. She’ll pull chairs up to climb onto not-childproof countertops and smash glass or drop delicate items onto the floor.

She opens containers of all kinds and empties them. I had to pause writing the previous paragraph twice because she opened and emptied a container of baby wipes and then tried to squeeze diaper rash butt paste on my leg, likely imitating me with moisturizing lotion. I’m currently watching her throw all her diapers onto the floor but at least that’s an easy clean-up.

Attempts to reprimand, discipline, or teach her not to be destructive are entirely fruitless. She doesn’t yet comprehend language and doesn’t seem to understand tone of voice, either. Screaming “no!” does nothing but makes me hoarse and aggravated as I lose my cool. I strongly disapprove of physical violence as a parenting tool, but my husband has been experimenting with tiny spanks which have had a 100% failure rate thus far. She’s just too young and innocent. She thinks everything is a game and the world is her playground. She doesn’t understand in the slightest that what she does is destructive or that we disapprove. She laughs, thinking we’re in on the game.

To make matters worse, her sleeping routine is gone. She appears to be a rare not-quite-2-year-old that is rejecting naps very early in toddlerhood. I used to count on her sleeping for an hour or two in the afternoons. Now, she rarely does, instead opting for shorter and later naps in the early evening. Morning naps are fine but very rare. If she sleeps for more than 30 minutes in the afternoon or evening, it throws off her entire night. She’ll be up past midnight! It’s better for her to skip napping entirely than to be bouncing off the walls and destroying her bedroom at midnight when I’m exhausted and desperately in need of sleep myself.

Unfortunately, I can’t count on alone time in the mornings. Because I’m in the last estimated 6 weeks of my pregnancy, I seem to need more sleep than my toddler does! Sometimes she wakes up before me despite going to bed so late. More often than not, I still wake before her, but only half an hour or so to read email on my phone or attempt to take a shower before she’s up and ready to go.

I remember forced naptime as late as kindergarten. I don’t think I actually slept during that time, but I was quiet on my cot playing by myself for the allotted time. There’s no forced naptime or bedtime with this kid. I can and have left her alone in her bedroom for a period of time just so I can get things done in the afternoon. She never ever sleeps just because she’s left alone in her bedroom.

As I’m typing this, I watched her climb on top of her future baby brother’s crib, then to the only bookshelf I've had time to anchor to the wall, grab the only item on top of the bookshelf (the baby monitor camera), unplug it, and throw it to the ground. If I were to leave her in her room at bedtime, I’d still need to stay awake so I could re-position the camera for the night. She’s too young for me not to be there for her if she needs me.

My parenting style is more of mutual respect and cooperation. I’d like to explain to her that she can’t rock the TV because she might hurt herself or break an expensive TV, the only one we own. I’d like to explain that baby wipes need to remain in a closed container because otherwise they’ll dry out. I’d like to show her breakable items accessible from countertops and ask her to leave them alone if she wants to climb. But I can’t say any of that because she doesn't understand. I don’t know how many months or years before she starts to pick up English well enough to communicate.

All of this disruption and parenting stress does not create a conducive environment for work productivity. I’m interrupted a lot more now than I used to be. I blame a lot of my lack of productivity over the past month on increasingly needing rest in the third trimester of pregnancy, which is true. But equally true is my need to dedicate more time to parenting my toddler so she doesn’t hurt herself or other things.

I had to pause writing this because she started throwing her clean clothes from the closet to the floor. I keep meaning to fix the closet door so I can lock it. But the door fell off its hinges and it isn’t safe for me to fix it until she’s no longer in the room. It’s 4:15 now; my husband won’t be home for another two hours, the earliest chance I’ll likely have to do anything without her. She’s been awake for 7 hours so far and it’s a toss-up whether she’ll actually nap today.

I remember working at home with her as an infant. I remember the two most difficult parts were 1) nursing her nonstop because she was always attached to me, and 2) typing one-handed. I think ahead to the next month or two, adjusting to life with two kids, and I realize not an accurate statement. Adjusting to life with a newborn is easy comparatively. The hard part will be parenting an energetic monkey tornado of a toddler one-handed while having a newborn attached to me. Even the most colicky newborn won’t be as challenging as my two-year-old.

How do I work at home while caring for a mostly non-verbal semi-destructive two-year-old toddler? I’m not sure. It’s a serious challenge that I have yet to overcome. The best I can do is to babyproof what I can so she’s safe, let her make messes that I know I can clean up later, and try to help her entertain herself in non-destructive ways. I have a few birthday and Christmas gifts to give her that might help. Hopefully when I write again on this topic, I’ll have more solutions and tips to offer. For now, I’m making it up as I go.

Edit: A few minutes after posting this, at around 4:50, she fell asleep on her bedroom floor. I now have half an hour or so to attempt to get something done with my alone time before needing to wake her again. If I let her sleep past that (oh so tempting!) I'll pay for it late tonight.