My husband and I are
struggling right now financially. It seems each week brings with it a
new financial crises complete with more debt and feelings of
hopelessness that we’ll ever catch up with bills.
We’ve dealt with
many challenges over the past 15 months. We’ve completed four
expensive moves across the country. We bought and sold houses. We’ve
had emergency car bills, emergency home repair bills, and emergency
medical bills. We’re down to one car because my husband’s car
needs extensive repairs we can’t afford. We just prepaid a lump sum
of $4,500 for prenatal care and birth at the birth center outside of
insurance to save money overall. Yesterday we got notice our mortgage
payments are increasing a non-trivial amount each month. And we have
a newborn on the way.
The work-at-home mom
guilt is crushing me with each new big bill. Many who work-at-home or
work remotely make full-time income or enough to live comfortably.
I’m not there yet. The company I started isn’t even two years old
yet. Although I bring in a little to contribute to the family
finances, it doesn’t feel like enough. Not nearly enough!
After graduate
school in a science field, I made very good money in my first
full-time job. On paper, I made excellent money in my second
full-time job. In reality, that company failed to make payroll
repeatedly and then went bankrupt, so they owe me half a year’s
salary that I’ll never see. But I know how much I’m worth if I
were to put myself on the market. I know what full-time salary a
highly educated mid-career employee in my technical field should
expect.
In reality, I make
as much now as I did as a first year graduate student. It’s not
nothing. It’s pretty impressive considering I started the company
from scratch immediately after my now-toddler was born. I wasn’t
sure if I’d make any money at all, but I have. I succeeded. But it
feels like a drop in the bucket.
My previous
company’s financial troubles started right after my husband and I
were married. For our whole marriage, he has been the primary earner
without knowing beforehand he would take on that role. He’s a hard
worker with a great job, but he has no desire to always be the main
breadwinner as some men do. He works in the financial industry. His
goal is to maximize his large income now so we can have enough for
him to retire early. It frustrates both of us that he continues to
work hard with a good income and yet our family finances keep getting
tighter with depleted liquid savings and seemingly-never-shrinking
debts. It stresses him out especially.
But he has never
once pressured me about my earnings. He has been so supportive during
the entire process of me forming my own company and trying to make it
as a freelancer/entrepreneur. He regularly tells me how proud he is
of me gaining clients and bringing in money. The pressure I feel is
of my own making.
I feel guilty
spending money on most anything these days, even larger-than-expected
grocery bills. I buy new clothes and items for myself so
infrequently. I could use more maternity outfits, especially warmer
clothes for the colder weather, but I won’t spend the money. Even
buying items for our toddler and upcoming new baby is difficult for
me. I’ve been limiting myself to consignment sales for most kid
items such as clothes and toys. I haven’t yet “splurged” on the
crib mattress we need for the newborn. Every dollar I spend reminds
me that I barely contribute to the family checking account.
I try not to be too
hard on myself. My company is slowly growing. I have more active
clients now than I’ve ever had. I’ll keep building it over time.
God willing, I’ll bring in more and more income each year.
There are financial
benefits to being a work-at-home mom. Very rarely do we ever pay for
daycare. In my area, this saves us $7,000 - $10,000 per year. And
with the new baby coming, that cost would be even higher: $14,000 -
$17,000 per year. I don’t have to commute to work, so we save on
gas and we’re able to share one car. I don’t eat out when I’m
home alone with my toddler. I wear professional clothing and shoes
less often, so they wear out less frequently. There are non-financial
benefits, too – so many!
At this stage, I
know I’d net more money and we’d be better off financially if I
were to give up on my own company and work for someone else outside
the home. The financial benefits of outside work outweigh the savings
of working at home, for now. But it may not always be this way. I
charge an impressive hourly rate for my services, so in theory, if I
increased my billable hours enough and made more with passive income
(sales of the book I’m writing, for example), I should come out
ahead. But who knows when or if that will ever happen.
Supporting me as a
work-at-home mom is a sacrifice and a chance we as a family take.
I’ve done my fair share of complaining about finances and wondering
aloud if I should look for a job. Not once has my husband thought
that was a good idea. He believes in me and my company, and so do I.
Being a work-at-home
mom isn’t easy. It’s a struggle. It’s a financial sacrifice for
us. But we choose to believe it’s worth it. Beyond money, it
certainly is worth it!
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